


White Fences

by TrinityEverett



Category: Castle
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, F/M, Miscarriage, Post Episode: s08e22, Post-Canon, Post-Crossfire, Tragedy, maybe au, pregnancy loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:47:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24481504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrinityEverett/pseuds/TrinityEverett
Summary: A tougher look at what could've been following the shooting. Post 8x22, Angst/Tragedy, (possibly AU)Warning: Pregnancy loss
Relationships: Kate Beckett/Richard Castle
Kudos: 5





	White Fences

**White Fences**

_**A tougher look at what could've been following the shooting.** _

**Post 8x22, Angst/Tragedy, (possibly AU)**

**Warning: Pregnancy loss**

* * *

_You leave me in the dark  
Recounting all my sins  
You put words in my mouth  
But who is gonna mend  
These white fences_

_\- White Fences, NeedtoBreathe_

* * *

She wakes to the splinter of pain, sharp agony under her ribs, across her belly.

His name is the first thing out of her mouth, hopeful in spite of the memory of him crumpled on the floor, straining to stay conscious for her. He's taught her to be hopeful, he deserves that from her. "Rick?"

Her husband isn't the one to answer, he wouldn't be, she knows instinctively. Instead her father nods, his face grim even as he delivers good news. "He's alive, sweetheart. He made it. You'll see him soon."

She nods, forcing her eyes open when they drift closed. "Brown? Caleb Brown."

Her father's fingers drift over her brow. "The man who shot you both is dead, Katie."

Swallowing down the lump in her throat, she nods again. "Good."

Her torso throbs, an all-too-unpleasant reminder of what she's endured, what they've endured, but she forces herself to breathe through it. If only to spare her father, she breathes through it, grasps at the hospital sheets.

"Honey," he murmurs a moment later. Even through her pain, she hears the strain in his voice, the weariness, and she fights to stay awake for him. "There's something else. Your injuries…"

His words fall over her like ice water, snapping at her nerves, shocking her to awareness. Her once-wounded heart threatens to come tumbling out of her chest, already keening for a loss she hadn't even known to be a possibility.

"I'm so sorry, Katie," he whispers, choked. "There was nothing they could do. The doctor will be able to tell you more, but…"

His fingers are gentle at her hair, but she turns away, refusing the comfort in the touch.

Her fault. This is all her fault. She had been numb with it, the relief of knowing Mason Wood was in cuffs, she hadn't even considered that it hadn't been over. And now her carelessness, her mistake, has cost them so much.

There's nothing she can say to make that better.

"Make sure he's okay," she says instead, squeezing her eyes shut, willing the shards of her heart back together.

Her father's hand slows, slipping from her hair to her cheek. Heat rushes from his skin to hers, and she clenches her teeth to hide the ache that builds with her shiver.

"Katie."

"Please, Dad," she begs, already feeling the calming tendrils of the drugs wrap around her, the warmth unconsciousness can bring. "Just… please. Need to know. Not him too."

After a moment, her father nods. "Okay, sweetheart. I'll make sure."

"Thank you," she breathes, slipping back under sleep's spell.

The next time she wakes, it's to anguished sapphire eyes, her husband's devastated frown. For a split second, she wants to ask why, but her father's words come rushing back to her and it all becomes clear.

Castle knows. Someone told him already – her father or her doctor, someone has spared her the heartbreak of breaking the news to him – and now he knows what they've lost.

"Kate," he whispers before she has the chance to say a word, reaching into the void separating their beds, reaching for her even though he shouldn't. He should be cutting his losses and focusing on healing from the wounds she's been party to inflicting upon him.

Her eyes fill, her throat tightening. "I'm so sorry, Rick. I'm so sorry. I didn't–" she gasps, sucking in a breath to keep the walls from graying so soon. "I didn't know. You know I would've – differently, I would've… I would've done it all differently."

Rick's fingers stretch harder, a pained grimace blooming with the effort. He puffs her name again, pleading for her to meet him halfway, to reach for him in return, to let him be there the way he's always wanted to be.

"Stop," she orders, unable to watch him hurt for her, not again.

Never again.

"Rick, stop."

He freezes at the whip-crack of her voice, his fingers stilling mid-air before retreating to rest on the bed, limp at his side. After a second, she watches him shift, cradling the arm strapped to his chest. She's sure it's been immobilized to keep him from aggravating his injuries, and she's also sure that he's already done exactly that by trying to touch her.

"I love you," Kate promises, the words feeling far too much like a goodbye on her tongue. It isn't what she intends, never what she wants, but if it's–no. No, she won't do that to him, no matter how much better off he would be. "I love you so much."

"I know," he says, choked just the same, but fierce in his insistence. "I know you do, Kate. I love you, too. And we _will_ be okay. The story has a happy ending for us."

So badly, she wants to believe, wants to let his hope and his optimism guide her the way it does him. So badly, she wants his capacity for forgiveness, for unyielding faith in the universe. So badly, she wants to give him something more than this, more than a bullet wound and another loss.

Instead she pushes past the pain, forces the bitter taste of grief back into her belly, and gives him her hand and her promise to try.

For him, and for what could be someday.

* * *

_A/N: I know this is a departure from my usual, but it was a thought that I couldn't quiet. Previously posted on my tumblr. Thank you to Anon for reminding me that I hadn't posted it here yet._


End file.
